Too many times the title is placed on the beholder because of where people see you now.
They see the connections, friends, and job opportunities, and link that to the great relationship cultivator that one must be, and therefore place the object of success in one’s lap and stand back to watch it unfold like a charm.
This usually comes with the expectation that the person in question will ignite some kind of magic relationship juice and spread it all over the internet just to show people how easy it is to get others to like, trust, and respect you.
If that stuff was in a bottle I would buy it.
It’s not though. I’ve looked.
During one of my slightly insane moments I snuck a peek to see if there was anything like this to help me. I sure needed it then.
There’s going to be days like this.
Days when you feel that you’re not worth the crap you scraped off your shoe yesterday.
But it’s important to remember that there is a magic potient to building powerful relationships online. And it isn’t sold in Amazon, or Wal-Mart, and you can’t get it at your local grocery store.
The mixture is within you, and I want to show you something that you may be missing.
Back To Elementary School
In psychology, one of the ways we used to dissect different information was to go back as far as we could in a subjects, or a topics, shelf life. From this strategy we could ascertain the pertinent features and qualities that make up that substance or individual.
It’s important that, in order to fully release your super power of drawing people to you like a magnet, you understand the younger you.
So let’s fire up the DeLorean, and see what you are suppressing.
Let’s hope it’s as embarrassing as mine was.
Flashback to 1989
You will see a young boy, wild haired and wide-eyed, stone washed jeans with holes in the knees where Ms. Little’s dog tried to use him for a chew toy. He was freakishly tall and gangly for his age with no shirt, no shoes, and no problems.
Even when we were small boys, my best friend Ben and I were gnawed by that terrible hunger known to nearly every boy. That was the hunger for our very own pony to ride.
Apparently my parents didn’t share the same dream I had, and occasionally, I would ride one of our pigs by the kitchen window, hoping to shame Mom into buying me a pony.
“There goes old short-in-the-saddle”, my sister would say, as she wasn’t much of a fan of anything I did back then, but I didn’t care. I wanted that horse!
I didn’t care that I didn’t look all that perfect to my friends either.
Ben: Black Bart’s trying to surround us with his men
Other kid: How do you know?
Ben: I just heard his horse oink.It doesn't matter if you ride a pig or a pony, as long as you know where you're going.Click To Tweet
Even though I found myself riding a pig more often than a pony, I never gave up. Think about your children or some kids you know. They are relentless. When they see something they want, what happens?
You guessed it. Bloody murder until they get it.
Sometimes the relationship isn’t going to happen overnight. There will be some people that are just a little more stand-offish to your wiles, and courting, and you will have to come back and try it again.
You may find the group that you’re struggling to get into a little harder to get into than you first thought. And be aware that people travel in groups. Influencers have other influencer friends. These are the people that they have built relationships with as they came up on their own, so when you can break into this group, you have a good chance that they will introduce you to their friends.
Be Child Like In Relationships
What does a relationship look like to a child? I remember growing up I had a friend that I considered my best friend in grade school.
One day, we had a little argument on the playground that eventually led to fists flying, noses bleeding, and knees scuffed. I don’t remember what we were arguing about, but I do remember after we finished fighting, we figured it out.
By the next day we were friends again.
Which brings me to the next point.
Don’t be a pouter. One of the worst things I have seen someone do is to never forget a wrong-doing that someone has done to them.
Forget about it.
You will understand the difference when people mean to do you harm, and the people that are just expressing their opinion. Sometimes this leads to heavy arguing. But it’s always the people that you can patch things up with are the people that are worth having around you all the time.
Leave Pride At Home
One of the things that you will see your child-like self doing is that kids just don’t care.
We are encouraged to break out and be different and even then that takes a lot of courage. The only way to act on our courage and do something no one else is doing is to bridle your pride because it’s a huge hit when we do something different and fail.If you're not willing to try something different and fail it will be a long road ahead of youClick To Tweet
Pride can stop a lot of us right in our tracks. But not a kid. They don’t care if they are in the middle of a mall or a desert. Because kids don’t judge themselves by what other people think about them.
You are your own person and one of the ways that you can break out and be original is you have to leave what everyone else is doing and embrace what you love to do.
Free Yourself To Have Fun!
My kids are the kings of fun.
They have fun when they’re playing or working.
Building relationships doesn’t have to always have a point. It doesn’t have to have an underlying strategy behind it. When you start thinking of relationships in this way, you become stressed when you fail at a certain relationship.
When you are out there enjoying the conversation and having fun helping others and getting to know the people around you, then this type of attitude draws people toward you.
This is the easiest type of relationship to build because people will be able to feel your stress. It comes out of you in various ways, but when you can learn to let all of that go, you will become a magnet for everyone that is important to you.
Don’t Be Shy
I haven’t met a kid yet that wouldn’t talk to a perfect stranger. I’m sure they’re out there, but I just haven’t met them.
The other day, Eli (my son) walked up to a man and asked him for a quarter!
The man smiled, dug into his pockets and pulled out his change and gave him all of the quarters he had.
There is a great lesson to be learned in the way kids approach people. You have to learn to expect what you want when you ask someone for it.
Later, I asked Eli if he ever thought that the man wouldn’t give him the quarters, but he shook his head no and went back to playing his arcade game.
Many people don’t get to where they need to go because they don’t feel they are worthy enough to ask for it.
Stop right there.
That person of influence that you are watching from afar, will more than likely talk to you if you would just ask. They will more than likely want to build a relationship with you, but you’ve just not found that out yet.
In my experience, people are willing, but they’re not willing to instigate the process. That’s why you should never assume anything. Even though you are a positive and fun person, you can’t rely that you will draw everyone to you.
There will be people that you have to approach, and usually these people are the one’s with whom you can build solid relationships with.
The Final Thought
We’re too grown up. I see a relationship quote at least every day on social media, but I don’t see the person quoting that is acting on anything they’re throwing out there.
The community you build around you will be what will make you successful online. These band of people that help you by sharing and spreading your message will be those that create a solid brand for you.
Then there is the inner circle of relationships that you make. These are the people that will probably never buy anything from you, but will push you on, listen to your problems, give you suggestions, and overall get you where you need to be.
As a kid the relationship is something that isn’t even a second thought. It’s just there. It’s a person that is around consistently, a person that fulfills them. Because it’s no fun by yourself.
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